Holy pants

You ever have one of those days where things seem to be falling into place?

Where you run a few errands with your kids, and they actually get along happily stop after stop?

Yeah, me neither.

I just experienced one of “those” days.

My kids were fighting & my youngest threw a major fit in the middle of a drug store. A fellow Mom actually stared at me while clutching her one well-behaved 8ish-yr old. Her judgmental eyes gleamed at me like I was stealing my kicking & screaming 4yr. I came close to saying “No, I’m not abducting this one — think you can do a better job than I am right now? Have at it.”

But that was nothing.

After the 2+ hours of errands, I went to pull down my pants to use the bathroom, and realized I had an enormous hole in my ass. And I was wearing hot-pink undies under this particular pair of black capris.

Oh yes.

I have no idea how long my pants were holier than thou. Maybe that judgmental Mom simply wanted to tell me “Hey, your fat ass ripped a hole into the pants you’ve been wearing every other day this summer.” I’ll never know.

I think all the good beer I’ve been drinking this summer has officially taken a toll on my ass… but ya know what? Worth every sip.

Sometimes, ya gotta put a little alcohol on it. And this was one of those times.

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15 Comments

  1. Posted July 26, 2012 at 2:46 pm | Permalink

    Oh no! The hot pink undies would’ve given quite the show though. 😉 I could totally go for some of that good beer right now, too!

  2. Laura Pelletier
    Posted July 26, 2012 at 2:57 pm | Permalink

    Thanks for the laugh! I once forgot to remove that sticky label on a pair of jeans that said the size over and over….you know the ones. Thankfully a stranger came by and just ripped it off for me. Woman stranger, nothing strange happened. I promise to let another person know if something is wrong with them….giant lettuce stuck in your teeth, booger trying to escape your nostril, and most definitely beautiful hot pink undies sticking out from a gaping hole that was not worn that way to be sexy 🙂

    • Posted July 30, 2012 at 9:25 am | Permalink

      I can’t decide which would’ve been better — my situation, or one where I was around people I knew. Maybe one of them would’ve told me… hmmmm.

  3. Posted July 26, 2012 at 7:57 pm | Permalink

    Oh, I’m so sorry Kelli although it did give me a much needed laugh.

    I worked witty a lady who didn’t zip up her skirt after going to the loo and her hot green thing showed everyone quite the view in a top DC government agency.

    • Posted July 30, 2012 at 9:28 am | Permalink

      Wow. I guess I should be happy I was only around strangers who will very likely never see me again. Can’t imagine how I would’ve dealt with the embarrassment in front of a ton of big-wigs.

  4. Posted July 29, 2012 at 10:47 pm | Permalink

    Hahahahahaha! I’m totally laughing with you. 😉

  5. Posted July 30, 2012 at 12:26 pm | Permalink

    I feel your pain. Once, after running errands I realized I also had a gigantic rip in the ass of my pants. I was not wearing any underwear. I’m sure the 10 people in line behind me at the post office appreciated that.

  6. Posted July 31, 2012 at 12:19 am | Permalink

    Oh. My. God. That sucks. Ummm, can you save at least one of these stories to tell me in person when we finally have a beer together? Cause I promise I will spit beer out of my nose for you…

  7. Posted January 10, 2013 at 7:54 am | Permalink

    Hilarious, so glad Fadra linked to you. This is totally something that would happen to me.

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    Kelli Williams

    Kelli Williams

    Keeping up with 2 little girls, writing assignments, music gigs, the house, laundry, ETC, backwards, wearing ass kicking boots and a smile, without spilling my beer. Ok, ok, so I spill my beer, but my floors have never been more germ-free since I started putting a little alcohol on them. Who needs ammonia...

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