My solution to the question: do I want more kids?

Take them to a pool party. Alone.

Bonus points if they are still young & don’t know how to swim well.

I had the pleasure of attending a pool party this afternoon — I would’ve enjoyed it more… without the kids. There, I said it.

I wanted to socialize with the other moms, which I was enjoying for the first 20 minutes until my 4yo demanded the pool.

They had a kiddie pool, which was nice because it was 1.5ft deep, so I didn’t have to scare the kids with my stretch-marks & cellulite; I did not see a single adult in the main pool. But, that also meant that I was alone by the kiddie pool… with a beer that got empty way too fast. My 4yo was happy though, so I was content… until she slipped & fell under water & completely broke down.

My 7yo is still fearful of going under as well… and didn’t even get into the main pool until I said it was time to leave. I gave her 5 minutes — and she slipped under water within 2 minutes, and was done.

Then… I had to decide if I should just plop my two soaked & crying kids on top of towels in the car (this choice would’ve been the wise one) or, dig through the tote bag for their clothes, shoes & underwear.

When I mentioned changing at home, I was greeted with more whines, so I decided to get them out of their wet, sticky suits. But as soon as I packed all 3 of us into a tiny changing room, I realized what a poor choice I made.

My youngest wore her suit to the party — no undies. I couldn’t find my oldest’s either. She threw a fit, but got over it… my youngest? She screamed and refused to pull her dress down… showing the world: yes, I am a girl. So I tied up my own undies and put them on her.

Oh yes, I did.

The icing on the cake? The hubs texting me as I dealt with the stares while I stumbled carrying 2 screaming kids across the street & fought my own screams… the hubs text? “What’s for dinner?” Uh-huh. I almost threw my phone while I screamed “Figure it out!!”

I love babies… I miss babies.

Babies were easier than this! At least from what my foggy brain remembers.

But… babies grow up.

And kids’ needs get more complex with age. I’m sure I’ll look back on these days fondly — most are fantastic!

But right now, at this very moment, if I could send the hubs to get snipped, I probably would embrace that moment.

In the meantime, I’ll finish this beer.

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5 Comments

  1. Posted June 7, 2012 at 10:07 pm | Permalink

    Thanks for the laugh! I can completely envision this with my kids – the no undies part, the last minute into the pool – the hubby’s question about dinner… Yep. Feelin’ the pain… now where’s I put my beer?

  2. Posted June 8, 2012 at 12:02 pm | Permalink

    You tied up your own underwear for her?? Hahahaha – that is making me laugh out loud. 🙂 Not because it’s so weird I can’t comprehend it (hey, we’re moms, we’ll do whatever the kid needs), but because I don’t even know how I would do that to make them fit D! Will you please have a beer for me too? I’m seriously missing it during this pregnant summer!

    • Posted June 8, 2012 at 1:50 pm | Permalink

      You know how it goes — when your child is throwing a fit and your brain goes into overdrive thinking of all the crazy things you probably *could* do, even if it’s just a temporary fix?! Thankfully, my body & undies have shrunk over the last couple of years, and one knot on each side was all it took. Probably wouldn’t have even occurred to me if I was still in my old Granny-panties from way back when.

      And I feel your pain, Jocelyn. I’ll definitely have one for ya. O’Douls Amber *isn’t* the same… but it does fill the void if you are in serious need of a beer-fix. And like I’ve mentioned to ya before — virgin mojitos are pretty yummy too. Not the same… but… only a few more months, yes?! Hang in there!

  3. Posted June 8, 2012 at 9:39 pm | Permalink

    Oh man. Don’t know if I would have the composure to engineer my undies into size 2T’s in the heat of that moment. Bravo.

    Someone recently reminded me that little kids = little problems and big kids = big problems. So I guess it’s all relative. But I’m with you…if I would have had that afternoon I might tell the hubs that the snip-snip was coming his way too!!

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    Kelli Williams

    Kelli Williams

    Keeping up with 2 little girls, writing assignments, music gigs, the house, laundry, ETC, backwards, wearing ass kicking boots and a smile, without spilling my beer. Ok, ok, so I spill my beer, but my floors have never been more germ-free since I started putting a little alcohol on them. Who needs ammonia...

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