Do you ever reflect back on your life, ya know, like I do, at 3am after awaking sweaty from a nightmare or a random child rattles your nerves screaming suddenly? What’s the deal with my brain not shutting up once my head touches my pillow? My brain wanders through so many useless ideas in bed. Brilliant blogposts I’ll never remember to compose during daylight hours. Chores that are never a priority vacuuming the basement? Nah. Guilt that I’ve already attempted to ignore with my eyes wide open. Playing the is that a shadow or a bug on the ceiling game. My brain is super fun.
I have gotten pretty good at shutting my brain down at night — ever since contracting mono last year, restless, interrupted stretches of sleep stopped being a huge issue. Now, I’m not always well-rested, and I still can’t fall asleep as fast as the hubs – equally annoyed & jealous of his ability to snore less than 30 seconds after getting into bed, I’m sure you follow. However, after everything my niece has gone through since April, my faith & world has been shaken. And my uninterrupted sleep-patterns have disappeared. As if I don’t have enough to think about during the day! My brain takes it upon itself to circle around so much bullshit at night, I haven’t had an afternoon without a desperate need for caffeine in a month or so. It’s a vicious cycle. A part of me wonders if mono is making a reappearance… it is possible, but I refuse to believe it. A couple nights ago, I figured out why I was restless.
I haven’t put myself first when it counts lately.
Ok, ok, in years.
Sure, I can find Momma moments here & there. My yoga-mat is my friend. I can breathe with the best of them. A beer can help numb a little anxiety. A kid-free night out with the hubs is indeed priceless. But what about opportunities that I turn down for financial or logistical reasons? What about me? When is it my turn to put my passion to work & shine? This blog has helped me put things into perspective while giving me some level of therapy & focus. It’s not a huge money maker by any stretch of the imagination, my blog is a hobby that occasionally brings in a paid gig, that may cover a night out with the hubs, but not much else.
When my brain wandered the other night, it wandered to the past, toward opportunities I walked away from for my family. I wouldn’t change the path I’ve taken for the world. Life is good! I embrace it as much as I can! My list of regrets is extremely short, and there are days I don’t believe in regrets at all. After all, if this or that or the other thing didn’t happen the way it happened, I may not be here right now. If I’ve learned anything over the last year, or hell, since April, it’s that you need to live your life to the fullest, and celebrate the big & little victories. You never know when life will take a dramatic turn.
As I wrote about 10 days ago, I’ve been looking for sponsors to get me to BlogHer. I didn’t believe it was possible for me to network & celebrate with thousands of fellow bloggers in San Diego without some level of assistance. In fact, I had pretty much given hope on the whole thing. Well, after I shared where my brain went the other night, the hubs & I had a looooong talk, and together we decided that it is indeed my turn to snatch up an opportunity. We did a little research and managed to find enough frequent flier miles for both of us to go… our spending has finally paid off, whaddya know?! And we booked our flight to San Diego last night.
Did you hear what I just said? I’m going to BLOGHER! Now, I can’t afford the big fancy-schmancy conference hotel, but I can afford to party it up with the Clever Girls as I’m a VIP at their Rock-star party! I will also be staying at the Gaslight District hotel where the party will be taking place if anyone wants to meet up for a beer! I’m super geeked just to be attending in person, instead of hearing about it through twitter, like I have the last couple of years. I never thought I was big enough of a deal to go. But I’ve removed that thought from my head. I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.
Are you going to BlogHer? Shoot me an email or comment below. I’d love to see some of your beautiful faces up close & personal in August. And if you’re a business still looking to sponsor me, I would absolutely use the cash for my conference pass, hotel, food, etc, and promote your business while I’m there. Please know that even though I’m looking forward to a little kid-free time with the hubs in Cali, I am considering this a business trip. And I’m
dreaming hoping it opens up a world of opportunity for this humble little blog you can say you followed before the rest of the world did. HA! And if it remains a tiny-little-blog-that-could… a trip to San Diego is never a waste!
Put yourself first, Mommas. Find a way to snatch up those opportunities that fuel your passion! The rest will fall into place.