Running on Empty

As most of you know, I’ve been having a rough go of it lately. It’s been 7 weeks since I first started feeling the effects of mono. If you want to count when I started having my sore throat? 8-9 weeks. I have had random days of feeling decent enough to do a few social things here & there, but then I pay for it the next day or two. I feel dizzy & light-headed doing just about anything, and even though as a full-time Momma, I’m always exhausted, if I didn’t have a constant flow of some sort of stimulant running through my veins, I would likely be sleeping instead of writing at this moment. I’m certain that since I have had to deal with kids daily & have not allowed my body a proper chance to rest, this is prolonging my healing process. I don’t know how else to deal, unless I stayed in a hotel for a week… hmmm. Not a bad idea. Anyone want to fund a “get-well-soon-week” at the Amway for Kelli?! Anyone? *crickets*

To say mono sucks is an understatement. And, even though I’ve been doing what I can to keep my spirits up, my frustration seems to grow daily. Saturday night, I could not get comfortable. My neck has been really sore, likely because my glands are still swollen. As if pain wasn’t keeping me up already, my brain started attacking me. First, running through everything I needed to do for father’s day. We didn’t have any major plans, but the hubs has been so supportive and such a great dad, I felt he deserved a special day. We also had a big to-do list to complete, and only accomplished one thing on Saturday. How were we going to get everything else done, especially if I wanted the hubs to enjoy his day? How was I going to get it done?! I really wanted to write a post about the dads in my life, so I started composing that in my head. I also tossed & turned about cancelling our trip to Manistee at the family cottage on Lake Michigan for my dad’s side of the family’s reunion. A heart-breaker, since this place is the very essence of home to me. But, since my nephew is being baptized & my MIL wants to do a family photo in Bay City that weekend, my body can’t handle traveling between 3 cities in 3 days, especially since a 2 & 5 yo would’ve been in tow. I cried several times about it, and I’m honestly welling up right now thinking about missing spending time with some of my favorite people in one of my favorite places in the world. I should’ve just gotten up and written a Father’s Day post in the middle of the night, because I not only didn’t have the time to even open my laptop, but I didn’t feel like doing ANYTHING on Sunday after getting only a couple hours of sleep. I forced myself to do what I could, but when I did get an hour to rest, I took it.

It may sound odd that I have can’t-sleep-moments while having mono. Like I said, I’m really forcing the caffeine down to keep up with everything… and even if my body wants to crash, my brain may have other ideas. Guilt & anxiety truly suck. I let out a big cry when my head hit my pillow last night, I felt so behind on life and like a big fat failure; I feared I had another rough night ahead of me. The hubs talked to me as he handed me one of his klonapins; he assured me that he had a good father’s day, and that I shouldn’t beat myself up over the things I was feeling overwhelmed about. We will get to that ever growing pile of mail, laundry, dishes and toys; the floors & bathrooms and the house in general will get cleaned eventually. The girls will eat fresh fruit & veggies again someday soon, whenever we can get to the grocery store for more than a quick-trip. Mother’s day sucked for me, so it’s not a big deal that Father’s day wasn’t filled with a ton of bells & whistles. And when you think about it, we spent so much quality time with the girls Saturday & Sunday; they only watched a total of 2 hrs of TV all weekend. That’s definitely an accomplishment these days. Gotta love it when the guy you married helps cheer you up & puts things into perspective. I’m a lucky gal.

I ended up having a much better night of sleep and I do feel ok so far today. Eager for a better week. And by the way, I really do have a goal to keep a positive blog… but some days, ya gotta vent. 

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