The Pressure!

I’m baaaaaack! Did ya miss me? Did you even realize I was gone?

I’m sure by now, whether you attended BlogHer ’11 or not, you’re sick to death of hearing about it. I will do my best not to bore you about details you really could care less about at this point. But if I don’t talk about my personal, overwhelming virginal experience, I wouldn’t be me.

After a long flight that started in the wee-hours of the morning, I landed in gorgeous San Diego, stopped in the airport bathroom and was greeted by an early birthday gift from that bitch Aunt Flo. And it was one of the worst 7 days (of course it had to last the entire vacation) of womanhood I’ve experienced since I adjusted to my IUD 3 years ago. I had read all of the pre-BlogHer blogs about allowing yourself to meltdown if necessary, because even the biggest bloggers felt pressure at BlogHer.

Tweek courtesy of Comedy Central

I could’ve read about The Pressure a thousand times, and I didn’t believe it.

Or maybe, I didn’t want to believe it.

Eh, pressure? Why would I feel pressure when my audience is tiny in comparison to so many other bloggers?

What I didn’t consider was how the jet lag + monthly curse + pressure = debilitating-sick-to-my-stomach-crying-worse-than-a-toddler-without-a-nap-meltdown. 

Which just pissed me off. And the angrier I got about my stupid emotional state, the more freaked I got… It sucked!

I feel like I make a pretty good first impression & had every ambition to be the cool new kid who would make all sorts of new bloggy friends who’d tweet and blog all about how they found a new drinking buddy in Momma. I’d absolutely be surrounded by said new friends at the last party Saturday night.

I dream big.

But once I arrived, the pressure in my head screamed: Bigger is BETTER… grow your blog OR ELSE… 

The voices in my head were loud and annoying as hell.

They sounded like my perfectionistic mother.

When I finally had a moment to breathe and interrupted those damn voices, I screamed back:

Bigger isn’t always better!

I certainly don’t need a bigger house to maintain to prove I’m a great house-keeper. Or 6 more kids to prove that I’m a fantastic mother. I’m already bordering on the edge of sanity with 2 kids. I would very likely end up in AA if I even doubled my children. So why do I feel that adding a thousand or more readers would make me “better” or “cooler”?

Clever Girls Rockstar Party

What I failed to realize pre-BlogHer, was that I’m the type of person who doesn’t thrive in large groups. I’m a floater. I like having different circles of friends. In high school, I had a lot of friends, but outside of organized artsy-fartsy choir & drama groups, I never hung out with a huge group of people, I floated in between many of the “cliques” high school had to offer, and I enjoyed high school more once I embraced my role a floater.

CheeseBurgHer Party

After calming down my irrational tummy with a handful of altoids that first afternoon (the only thing I could physically eat before my very first BlogHer party… I was a disaster) was talked down from the ledge from the hubs (grateful I dragged his hot ass along) and dressed up in true rock-star fashion for the Clever Girls party… I did indeed get over it and proceeded to take everything as it came my way at BlogHer. I didn’t meet a ton of new friends, but the people I did meet, I enjoyed quite a bit! From the adorable Heather @CafeSmom to the fabulous Emily aka @ColoradoMom who had the BEST shoes and Stacie aka @StacieinAtlanta who was the only one to recognize me from the Clever Girls’ P!nk video to beautiful Amanda @dumbparent & Angie @7clowncircus who sat next to me and the hubs at the somewhat psychedelic YouPhoria party; Angie thought she recognized me, but couldn’t figure out how. I’m guessing it was the CG video, Angie. But my favorite person I met was Alissa @havestroller. We had attended high school together, but hadn’t seen each other in over 15 years. We reunited on FB & Alissa inspired me to start this blog a year & a half ago. Of course I wanted to hug her in person, party with her… away from the drama hall for a change. It was definitely a moment to savor.

I made a lot of fun contacts on the business end of my blog as well that I’m still working on connecting with now that I’m back in Michigan. Day 1 I had the opportunity to meet a celebrity at the Hillshire Farm booth. Wendi from Reno 911 & Bridesmaids loved my blog title AND wanted to steal my eyes she loved them so much. She made this Momma’s week! On day 2 at the Expo Hall, where I proudly wore my very own MNAB shirt, every single booth gave me the kind of feedback I had been hankering for. One Best Buy worker actually left her booth to ask me about my shirt/blog. That practically trumped my celeb pic moment… I needed that tiny little ego-boost.

Once I finally told The Pressure and Aunt Flo to bite me, the weekend felt very empowering. I am a woman who does her best to live her life without regrets, doing my best to embrace every moment the universe gives me. Although my vacation definitely threw more wrenches at me than I was prepared to handle, I am so happy I went. I will be discussing the best day of our vacation later this week as part of Adventuroo’s Capture the Everyday series… so stay tuned for that!

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