The Scare.

Personal topic warning… if you don’t like posts with — ahem — women’s issues as the main topic, you may want to pass on this one. If you’re looking for a beer-related post, Check out my recent posts about Founders’ Spring Beer Releases & my March Madness Slam Dunk Beer Cocktail. I’ll talk about beer again soon, don’t worry. 

Just over 5 years ago, I welcomed my 2nd child into the world… and an IUD was placed inside of me about 8 weeks later. 
Oh, shit. It’s been 5 years… my IUD lasts 5 years. Now what?!
Is it time for the big snip-snip? It is the hubs’ turn, right? I suffered through 80 weeks of pregnancy, painful labor, 2 c-sections… need I go on?
But… the IUD has been so kind to me! My periods are practically non-existant. The PMS and exhaustion can still hit me hard, but not every month. Cramps for a day or two. I haven’t had to wear a pad thicker than a liner, let alone a tampon in 5 years! I also managed to lose weight while the IUD was implanted. Losing weight was nearly impossible to do on the large variety of birth control I’ve tried half my life. 
Before the IUD, my periods were straight out of a horror movie. Enough said. 
While the hubs are I are 95% certain we’re done having children, I don’t believe I’m ready to let go of the long list of benefits the IUD has gifted me. 
However, I had quite the scare last week. I realized I never had a period last month. And the one before that wasn’t very strong either. Again, my periods are practically non-existant on the IUD, so it’s not out of the ordinary. 
Last week when my period was scheduled to arrive, my breasts swelled and hurt like… I was pregnant. 
I knew I wasn’t pregnant. 
The two times I have been pregnant, I knew I was pregnant before the stick told me, because beer stopped tasting good. I know it sounds odd, but when you’ve been a beer lover since your first taste as a child in your neighbor’s backyard… you know something’s off when you can’t finish a beer you love. 
Over the weekend, I enjoyed several beers, and they didn’t make me want to vomit. These beers made me want to dance & sing!

I knew I wasn’t pregnant. 

But my boobs… damn my boobs. They hadn’t been this sore since I was pregnant. 
That really annoying slut of a voice in the back of my head kept saying… What if? Maybe you should take a test? Just… because. Sure, your boobs could be sore because your period’s coming and a sign that this period may suck, but… what if?
The downfalls to becoming pregnant while on the IUD includes, well, death, so I did a quick check to be sure it was still in place. It was. Which, honestly scared me a little more. 
So I decided to bite the bullet, face whatever reality had in store & pick up a pregnancy test. 
My brain swirled with the what-ifs… 
  • What if I AM pregnant? 
  • Is the baby ok? Or will this turn into a ectopic pregnancy I’ll be forced to terminate? 
  • What if my IUD isn’t working anymore? Does it just stop working at some point? 
  • Another baby? How the HELL can we afford another baby? I’ve already given away most of our baby stuff! *dollar-sign-coma*
  • After hitting up the online due-date calculator… Crap. This baby would be due in December?? Noooooooo! December birthdays suck!
  • Holy shit, my blog would be SCREWED if I was pregnant! O-V-E-R! How much n/a beer could one fat, bitchy, tired lady talk about? Not. Enough. 
  • I can’t be pregnant… I just can’t. 
  • But what if… another babyanother adorable, sweet baby to love, nurse & hold… what if… 
As I went to the bathroom before heading to the drug store for a pregnancy test, still completely wrapped up in the what ifs so deep I was starting to think about names… I saw blood. 
BEER ME! I’m NOT pregnant! 

Not pregnant. Just as I thought.

Almost instantly, my 2 children burst into my bathroom fighting, solidifying my decision to stop at 2 children. 

How many times have you experienced “The Scare”? Because trust me, this hasn’t been my first “scare” and may not be my last. 
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  1. Posted April 4, 2013 at 3:50 pm | Permalink

    I’ve only had one real scare and, oddly, it was after I had my tubes tied. The really scary part was that I thought I was having a miscarriage or experiencing an ectopic pregnancy. My mother INSISTED I was pregnant and made me go to the doctor and get a heavy-duty pregnancy test with blood and everything. It turned out to be a bitch of an ovarian cyst trying to burst, but MAN was I freaked.

    Glad you are happy that it was just a scare. Enjoy your beer! 🙂

    • Posted April 5, 2013 at 1:28 pm | Permalink

      Good for you for only having ONE real scare!! But wow, what a scare! I have had a few ovarian cysts over the years, and they can be very painful, so glad you got through it. And yes… although I’d very likely welcome another baby into this family with open arms if that were the case, we are a very happy family of 4, and I kinda hope it stays that way. I’m learning to find the joy in holding & caring for other people’s babies… and giving them back. 😉

  2. Posted April 7, 2013 at 2:21 pm | Permalink

    Oh yeah, I think the last few months at least three times I’m like ahhhhhhhhhhh. But, my periods have just gotten wonky post child.

  3. Posted April 8, 2013 at 3:45 pm | Permalink

    That is exactly why I’m still on the NuvaRing after the husband got the snip. I don’t want to freak out every month for no reason (or for a reason since he obviously has super sperm of course yes). I’m with you. Two is enough for me 🙂 What’s this about losing weight on an IUD?

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    Kelli Williams

    Kelli Williams

    Keeping up with 2 little girls, writing assignments, music gigs, the house, laundry, ETC, backwards, wearing ass kicking boots and a smile, without spilling my beer. Ok, ok, so I spill my beer, but my floors have never been more germ-free since I started putting a little alcohol on them. Who needs ammonia...

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