- You can carry a thrashing toddler, a cup of coffee, your purse & a six-pack of beer without flinching.
- You can’t remember the last time you showered. And you really don’t care.
- You are rarely found without hand-sanitizer, wipes or fruit-snacks.
- You have fallen asleep with a sleeping baby on your chest and a boob or two hanging out, possibly leaking breast-milk… and long for those peaceful moments as your baby grows.
- You have, at some point, envied another Mom’s stroller, diaper bag, breast-pump, ability to lose the baby-weight without trying, etc.
- You have more fun shopping for your kids’ clothes than you do shopping for your own clothes… even though you are in desperate need of a wardrobe that is neither too small or too big.
- You know how to function on less than 4 hours of sleep. It isn’t pretty, but you can function.
- You have been up since dawn and realize you haven’t sat down on anything other than a toilet, and it’s 4:30pm.
- You want to drop-kick the childless person who brags about “sleeping like a baby.” Seriously, where did this cruel joke stem from??
- You have awoken in your child’s bed… &/or with a child in your bed.
- Snow-days take on a whole new meaning. Wait, I have to entertain my kids for a full day, in the house? On my own?
- You’ve had to uncover a mysterious smell, and after
hoursdays of cleaning, you finally discover a sippy-cup of curdled milk at the bottom of the toy box.
- Your fridge/cupboards are never without your family’s favorite breakfast food(s). Even if that means rushing to the grocery store at 10p!
- You know exactly which tv show(s) your kids will watch without fail, and as soon as you set them up with said show, you manage to slip away… to the bathroom, because it’s the only room with a lock on the door.
- You have left countless grocery stores, restaurants, libraries, other people’s homes need I go on? with a screaming, thrashing child more than you care to recall.
- You feel like the last hour before your partner comes home from work lasts much longer than the entire afternoon.
- You have paid for and
sleptsat through terrible animated movies, mainly because your kids wouldn’t stop talking about the previews they’ve been seeing on tv for weeks.
- You’ve cleaned up more than one bodily fluid from your child off of yourself at some point.
- You can eat breakfast, feed your kids, make the coffee, fix lunch for the hubs & the kids, get them ready for school and out the door in 20 minutes flat.
- You have learned how to create the “illusion” of clean when given a 15-minute warning that someone’s coming over to your house.
- You have learned there is no such thing as free child-care. Even if you aren’t paying your relatives cash to watch your children… you’ll pay in other ways.
- You count eating your child’s leftovers as a meal. Or… you just clean off your children’s plates without thinking and wonder where the extra 10, okay 20 lbs came from. Clearly, you need a new scale.
- You are childless for the night, yet announce you need to “go potty” at the bar, to anyone who’s listening.
- Your babies are no longer in diapers, and no longer babies… but when you hear a tiny baby cry, you rush to sneak a peak… and swoon, wondering why you thought *that stage* was so difficult…
- You go out for the night, but still relieve the sitter well before midnight, in time for your usual bedtime, since the kids will wake your sorry ass up at 6:30am without fail.
- You can give your kids, your partner or anyone judging you or causing trouble “the look” and move on with your day.
- You refuse to correct the cute things your youngest child says to keep them little for just a little longer. For example, Sedona still says Hotowel for hotel and calls her sister Natawee.
- You consider putting on black yoga pants getting dressed.
- You have just as many apps on your iPhone for your kids as you do for yourself.
- On days your kids are getting a ride home via carpool, you don’t see any reason not to enjoy a beer with your lunch.
- You worry about ev-ery-thing.
- You love your children more than life itself.
Keeping up with 2 little girls, writing assignments, music gigs, the house, laundry, ETC, backwards, wearing ass kicking boots and a smile, without spilling my beer. Ok, ok, so I spill my beer, but my floors have never been more germ-free since I started putting a little alcohol on them. Who needs ammonia...
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